We have known each other a really long time. Almost 45 years. To say that you have stuck with me through thick and thin is really not an exaggeration. But, I am over it. For realsies this time.
Over the years we have had some short breakups where I was able to get rid of you for a while - but I always allowed you to find your way back without me really knowing. Remember when I preferred Nutrisystem to you a few times? What about Diet Center? That was a really long time ago - probably in high school. How about my all time favorite phen-fen? You were really gone in a flash when I met my friends phen & fen and it was never so easy to lose you and I never thought about you once! But unfortunately when the FDA got involved and took my friends phen & fen away, you came running back to me .I was never truly happy with Atkins and I know you were laughing in the sidelines while I tried my hardest to stay away from those big bad carbs - but after 48 hours you and I found our way back to each other again. When I met herbalife I thought I was in love, but the headaches and stomach aches and missing of chewing food got the best of me after a while, and you came running back, as you always do. The thing that was able to put a wedge in between us the most and for the longest time was Weight Watchers. Weight Watchers was pretty good at keeping you away and helping me to finally be on my way to getting rid of you and hopefully saying goodbye forever. . .but then, I got derailed and instead of staying on track and looking to Weight Watchers for help, you found a crack and slithered your way back in.
I know you well enough by now. You think by growing on me you are making me feel warm & mushy. I see what you do - you try your hardest to stay and push my healthy Weight Watchers friend away so you can have me to yourself.
Well, I am finally on to you and your game. I felt so much better 18 months ago after losing close to 40 pounds and lots of inches with my friends Weight Watchers and Exercise. I am not sure how in the world you managed to creep back on me - but you did. The difference this time is that I remember how I felt when I lost all that weight - lighter, more energetic, craving healthy food and exercise and wanting to shop! I am really not digging how you are making me feel right now - draggy, lazy, unmotivated and pretty crappy after I eat your favorite foods and don't even think about taking me to a store right now, unless it is to shop for someone else!So, yes - you might have been noticing a difference this week my old friend Fat. I haven't been eating as many of the foods as you are trying to send my way - instead I am engaging in some good old mental gymnastics and eating healthier and allowing my true friend, Weight Watchers, to help me. Yes, I put my big girl panties on and with my head hung low and a bit embarrassed I asked if Weight Watchers would be my friend again (granted with check in hand they really don't ever say no, no matter how many times you kick them to the curb).
I'm not sure why I find it so hard to lose you and make you stay away. . .its not you personally, but its how you make me feel when you insist on sticking to me and growing. Yes, for those 5 seconds I soooooooooo love some of that naughty food you waive under my nose or in front of my face so often and sometimes saying no to a warm chocolate cookie seems unfathomable. But the problem with you around is that there are usually more cookies to come after that one and I have simply had enough.
Interestingly enough the last time I joined Weight Watchers in fall of 2011, I was 178.8 pounds (gross - I know) and at my lowest on WW the following summer I hovered around 140. . .well, last Saturday when I went crawling back to WW I was the same weight. The sad thing is that I worked so hard to lose you Fat and somehow you so easily found your way back.
I am not even going to say if you really loved me, you would stay away because I know that you are not able to on your own - I have to be the strong one. And I know people say you shouldn't break up over the phone or break up in a letter, but I don't know how else to make you understand that this is not a healthy friendship.
I know that nothing tastes as good as feeling and looking good and because I can still feel how good I felt when I lost my weight I am breaking up with you. I know it won't be overnight and you won't disappear tomorrow, but little by little and one day at a time you need to accept that this is really a good bye. .and remember, its not you, it is how I feel when you are with me.
So as I begin to lose you, little by little, Fat, please do not find your way back to me. If you feel the need to be somewhere - go find a skinny minny person to hang on. . ..
And to my friends that I eat with or see often - if you see Fat trying to taunt me and trick his way back into my life, please feel free to send him away in whatever method you deem appropriate. . ..
