Day 18 - That Damn Scale!

On the bright side, I woke up early on Monday morning to dance to 6 songs from Just Dance 2 on the Wii and to do 15 minutes on Wii Fit. The picture is of "me" doing the "free step" for 10 minutes with a goal/pace of 800 steps at the end of 10 minutes.  Allie clapped for me when I made it to 900 steps by 10 minutes. LOL. Just Dance 2 was fun too - I am doing their workout Dance and I have a goal to earn 7000 sweat points for the week. .although note to self:  Just I am rolling out of bed to work out in my own home, A SPORTS BRA , or any bra, is required equipment.

I stayed on program and within my points and made an awesome discovery - Trader Joe's has Shrimp Fried Rice and Chicken Fried Rice that takes like 4 minutes to make on the stove (that is the top thing with the burners, right?) and 5 points per cup!!  I had 1.5 cups and a big salad for a delicious dinner last night.

But that friggen scale... know how many times I have weighed myself in the last 36 hours? Yeah, I am not telling you because you would be appalled to know the truth.  Anyways, bottom line - no matter how many clothes I am wearing or not wearing, wet or dry from the shower and regardless of the time of day, I AM NOT LOWER THAN LAST WEEK. 

I am still fat enough that water weight should be coming off- don't you think?  I mean I know I had some high point meals, but I am still well within my Weekly Points Allowance of those extra 49 points. . .shouldn't that scale be less???

Well, at this point I think I might blame exercise. . .I know its not my weigh in day until tomorrow, but just saying that I am not looking forward to it.

No, I don't feel like giving up.  I don't feel like gorging on junk food.  Just momentarily frustrated. ..

Day 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 - Thanksgiving, Zumba, Restaurants. . .bad and good choices

Its been a few days since my last post. . .holidays and life has gotten in the way of my blogging, but I have some interesting high (and low) points to share. . .

• Lost 1.6 at my weigh in last Wednesday. . .brings my total to almost 5 pounds!  Yay me. . .but what happened to those days of losing sooooooooooooo much those first few weeks of WW?
• Best piece of advice I got at my WW meeting was that I need to look at my food issues as a way of life. .not just something that is a moment in time until I get to my goal weight.  The context of this was when I was discussing going out to dinner and how I feel "unsatisfied" when I go out and get something "boring" I can make at home - i want to get something more exciting. . . and sometimes those more exciting items are not the best point choices, even when I think they are.  I come home and look up my points and realize that the points were super high on something i thought was reasonable.  Someone in the meeting told me that I would be better off accepting that this is just a way of life for me and in order to be within my points and on plan I need to plan and think ahead about food to the best of my ability.
• I applied this advice teh rest of the week when going out and it worked. . .I planned ahead as to my meals and had meals that i was happy with and stayed on program.
• I tried Zumba on Saturday morning at 8am. . .I don't think I have exercised in years. . .really, not an exaggeration.  I moaned & groaned about it being so early, but in truth. ..don't tell anyone. . .more than even enjoying Zumba, I loved how exercising made me feel.  I felt empowered to make great choices for the rest of the day. I even enjoyed the feeling of working out so much that I did my Wii Fit today for about 30 minutes.
• We went out to dinner tonight at an Italian Restaurant. . normally I love the bread with the pesto olive oil and I always choose some type of creamy pasta sauce.  Or I go for a the veal Parmesan that comes with a side of pasta and sauce and I have no problem eating the entire dinner.  But tonight, I looked at the menu before going and figured out all my point options.  I chose whole wheat penne pasta with garlic shrimp scampi for a total of 10 points. .and it was delicious!!!  I stayed away from the bread - without much mental back & forths over having it or not.
• On Wednesday night I went out to a Chinese restaurant and thought I made pretty good choices, only to come home and find out how bad my choices were.  For about 10 minutes  when I got home I was tempted to ransack the kitchen and gorge on junk food on the premise that I messed up and let's just start over tomorrow.  But I didn't.  I didn't because when I realized that even though my points were high and I managed to eat 25 points in that one meal (total consumed was 50 points for that day - 21 went into the Weekly Points Allowance), I was still within my Weekly Points Allowance and on program.  I made a bad choice at dinner out of being clueless and not thinking through my choices before I went. . .had I binged on food later that would have been an intentional bad choice out of stupidity.  I didn't want to lose all the good I had done so far and I was happy when I realized that I was still within my weekly points.  No way did I want to beat myself up by trying to make myself eel better by eating junk food.  I am majorly patting myself on the back for realizing this and getting this - perhaps for the first time ever.  
• I went to a movie on Saturday night and brought my own air-popped popcorn. . .yay me!!  Saved money and healthier choice. . .
• Discovered my new fave breakfast that is 5 points and very filling - Morningstar Vegetarian Sausage Patty with Maple Flavor (2 points) on a Thomas English Muffin (3 points) - so delish and satisfying!!
• Picked up some frozen Mango slices at Trader Joes - so yummy! Zero points and like a mango Popsicle!

 Now, I will share that I am a little, no a lot, hesitant about Weigh in on Wednesday.  While I have not gone over my Weekly Points Allowance and I don't plan on it before then, I just feel because I ate more of my weekly points allowance this week than the previous 2 weeks that I will pay for it.. .time will tell.

Day 12 - Restauranting is Hard

Yesterday I was taken to a wonderful, wonderful local restaurant for lunch - Chelsea's Kitchen, in the Camelback Corridor.  The ambiance was heavenly and food Divine. . .

But truthfully, I looked at the menu with fear and while out loud I said nothing, inside I said "WTF?  How many points is any of this???". 

Sure, WW has come a really really long way over the years with all the restaurants they have included on their website - most, or quite a bit, of the fast food/chain restaurants can be found on their website.  And even lots of restaurants have posted their NI on their own websites as well.

But often, there are local restaurants, or even big chain restaurants where no information is to be found.  So, the next best thing is to find a like-kind restaurant and guesstimate.

I don't want to GUESStimate.  I want TO KNOW. 

I don't want to not eat enough points in my day because I am giving food too many points when I am guessing and I don't want to eat too many points in my day by guessing too little.  If I guess too much incorrectly on a regular basis, it will effect my weight loss.

I am also really really bad at estimating the serving portion.  .I have no clue if its a cup, 1/2 cup, more , less. . .if you ask me how many people were at the party, I can't tell you if there were 10, 20 or 40 without counting. . .so that is my other challenge when I eat at restaurants that are not listed in the WW book.

I am trying to pay more attention at home as to what a cup of rice looks like, or what 3 ounces of beef/chicken look like - but really, I just am challenged there.

I suppose the scale later today will reflect how well my guessing did on this birthday week. . .

And despite my fabulously tasty lunch (fresh guac, freshly made corn tortillas, black beans & rice, shrimp, crab, fillet Mignon) which I counted as 15 points, I opted for a smaller point dinner (7) of chicken & quinua with fruits and veggies. .which was just fine as I wasn't overly hungry from my lunch and I ended the day within my 29 points. 

So long as I guessed right, I suppose. . .


 

Day 11 - My Birthday!

I had a fabulous day with friends and family and even managed to stay on program and within my points. ..well, not my DAILY points, but due to the Weekly Points Allowance of 49 points, I stayed within my weekly points.


While I left my breakfast sitting in my fridge at home, I was able to put something together at the office.  I had yogurt for 2 points, and 2 wheat rice cakes and 2 slivers of swiss cheese on it for 3 points and a banana. 

I met some girlfriends for a fabulous sushi lunch that I loved and it cost me about 10 points. .. more than a typical lunch, but I think pretty good for a birthday lunch.  Although I didn't touch the edamame that was ordered. .why?  Because they are so high in points. . .then later I just chuckled to myself - I mean, I don't think I got fat over eating too many edamame. . .

I enjoyed a decadent pedicure with a girlfriend and then I decided I really did want Starbucks for a little birthday treat...I kept obsessing about it all day - how crazy was that!!  So I did enjoy a grande Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte for 3 points. . .sooooooooooooooooo good!!!  But worth 3 points??? On my birthday yes, not sure about other days. . .

So, I was heading into dinner with 11 points left for the day and 45 Weekly Points Allowance left.  I loved every.single.bite of my dinner (fillet Mignon & scallops, fried rice, shrimp, soup, salad w/ ginger dressing) as well as the whole ambiance of the evening, but when I got home later I realized I had NO FRIGGEN CLUE how many points dinner was.  As much as I googled, I could not find the nutritional information for Bennihana's, so I went on to the Japanese restaurants on the WW site and put together my points for dinner as best as I could and rounded up when I wasn't sure.  I also added 4 points extra for all the butter/oil that is slathered on the veggies to make them soooooooooo delish!  So in total, I estimate that my birthday dinner cost me.. .wait for it. ..26 points.  Yep - almost a WHOLE DAY'S worth of points for one decadent delicious dinner. But the beauty of WW, is that with tomorrow being my last day of the week, not only did I not go over my WPA, but I still have 30 left and I have 2 more days left to eat this week!

Dessert you ask?  What did I do for my birthday dessert?  Guess what, I was sooooooooo full and content from dinner, I didn't have a bite!!  They brought me a beautiful ice cream, they sang Happy Birthday and I gave my ice cream to my friend Sue who enjoyed every morsel of it!  I did snag a bit of Allie's sherbet that she got. .it was beyond delish!!

So is this how skinny people do it?  Do they plan all week to splurge for their birthday dinner (nah, really skinny minnys probably don't even splurge!)?  Because I have to say, I felt proud of myself that I ate generously and decadently and stayed on program. . .no guilt to beat myself up with afterwards and truly, that was a fabulous birthday present in and of itself. . .

Days 9 and 10. . .the Weekend!

The weekend started out with some delicious 2 point yogurt at my fave yogurt place - Yogurt Builderz!  Friday night we went to one of our fave sushi restaurants where I had a fabulous dinner of miso soup and sushi and stayed within my points.

Even though Allie's soccer game wasn't until 11am, somehow we were rushing to get out of the house and I did not eat breakfast before I left.  But I did pack it - a banana and 1 cup of Kashi Good Friends cereal.  It was actually rather tasty and filled me up.  When the kids had donuts for snack after the game, I can't tell you I didn't mentally drool over the donuts, but in truth I was full so didn't totally obsess about the donut I didn't have.

It worked out well that I ate lunch late because we had my daughter's school carnival from 3-7 and I knew I didn't not want to pass up the Kettle Corn.  .I googled and googled and tried to determine how many points each serving had, but was not overly successful.  Therefore I decided that each cup had 3 points. . . in any event, I went to the Carnival with 21 points still available to me. 

My plan was to take some sliced apples and snap peas with me and get some Kettle Corn - like 3 cups worth and then I would still have 12 points left for dinner.  By the time we got the Kettle Corn, it was about 5:30 and I did snack on it a tiny bit - probably about a cup. . .then by 6pm I was STARVING.  .fruit, veggies and popcorn were not going to satisfy this hunger.  My choices were a chicken burrito (fortunately I was able to find the points online - 16.5 points) or pizza. . .

Pizza just was not going to cut it for me, so I decided to go for the Chicken Burrito.  I had 21 points going to the Carnvial and I ate about 3 points of Kettle Corn - so I had 18 points left over.  After my rather tasty chicken burrito, I had 1.5 points left over and I was satisfied and not hungry anymore. 

I was even able to pass up Movie Popcorn at a movie we saw later that night.  .the smell got to me and I wanted it, but with my birthday coming up on Monday it wasn't worth it to go over points and I had sliced apples & snow peas with me too.  I mean who can pass those up at a movie??? :-)    I also remembered that I had a box of WW chewy/gummy strawberry candy that is 1 point for the WHOLE BOX. . ..those candies are a great little substitute for those times you want that gummy type candy. . .

When we got home later at night, I did have a 2 point ice cream bar and finished the day with eating all my points and .5 of the Weekly Point Allowance of 49 points.

I was proud of myself on Sunday.  After religious school we were meeting some friends at a local pizza place and when I walked in, there was delicious looking pizza and wings on the table.  I went straight to the salad bar and added some diced ham and shredded cheese to my salad to ensure I had enough protein.  While I did manage to not dive into the pizza & wings. . . .I can't deny salivating over the smell that permeated the air where we were sitting from the wings and pizza. But I wasn't tempted to grab one and was fine with my choice.  Again, the points for even 1 wing was just not worth it for me right now. 

A wonderful afternoon with friends was had. . .and I was amazed at how okay everyone was with munching on snap peas and apples. . .or at least everyone pretended to be in order to be supportive to me.

Dinner was chicken breast, quinoa (enhanced with cilantro, tomatoes & onions), strawberries, raspberries & blackberries.  Truthfully, there was asparagus on the table as well, I just forgot it was there and forgot to eat it. I ended the day with eating all my points and not going into my Weekly Points Allowance and going into my birthday and 2 days left in my week, I still have 45 Weekly Allowance Points left.  .

Well, I survived the weekend with the carnival, social gathering and a movie. . .let's hope we are as sucessful for my birthday!!

Day 8 - Low Point Dinner at Outbacks!!

First off, I am soooooooooooo glad I have publicly shared that I am on WW.  So many fabulous people are supportive and encouraging and I truly believe it helps me stay on program.  I have had some friends that have said to me that they can't believe how open I am about my food struggles/issues and that I am okay calling myself Fat Mommy.. .well, HELLO, is it a secret that I am Fat?  I think not.. unless I hide it much better than I think I do!  Unfortunately being overweight is not like other addictions - can't really hide it.  You see me, you see the fat.  Just is what it is.  I truly try not to attach meaning to it - just a statement - like someone is tall or short. . .for the moment, I am fat.. .and I'm kinda sorta sick of it.  And I really really want to wear a tank top next summer.  Yes, I know, anyone can wear a tank top if they choose - but I do not want to wear a tank top if I look like one of the people I talk about behind their backs saying "that person should never wear a tank top". . .and if you don't say that to yourselves, then you are a better person than I.  Again, not passing judgment - just who really wants to see all that roly poly fat exposed? Come on. .you know, its like seeing people wearing certain bathing suits that they should just not be wearing...personally if I could go swimming in a sweat suit, I would, but I can't and I always feel bad if I might be the cause of scaring kids half to death at pool parties. ..

Ok, moving on...yesterday I discovered 2 neat things.  1) Orville Redenbocker has the most delicious, yet small, 2 point bags of Kettle Korn popcorn.  Its the 94% Smart Pop.  Sooooooooooooooooo yummy.  And while it is small - it truly was a good snack size.  And while I could eat much more air popped popcorn for 2 points, this hit the spot yesterday.  2) I had a 9.5 point dinner at Outbacks and it was soooooo yummy & soooo filing.  Their Outback Special Steak is 5.5 points for their 6 ounce and 8.5 for their 9 ounce. They actually don't have a 9 ounce on their menu, they have an 8 ounce - so I said it was 7.5 points.  You have to remember to ask for it without butter - the butter hads a few points.  And then I had a dinner salad with like 2 teaspoons of blue cheese dressing (2 points) and balsamic vinegar and a side of steamed veggies. 

Ok - truthfully, I think next time I might get the smaller steak and get a baked potato and eat 1/2 of it.  .the no starch thing left me a little dis-satisifed. But that is okay.  .globally I love discovering restaurants that I can make good choices at and not feel like I am giving up a lot.

And for now, ending the evening with either the WW Fudge Bar or Caffe Late Bar is completely satisfying to me. . .

Day 7 - Crunchy Quinoa. . .not too bad. . .LOL. . .

I woke up on Wed morning. . .my weigh in day. . .a prisoner to the scale. . .I started by stepping on my own scale which I have not done in months (not from a healthy "I won't live by my weight" attitude, but rather sheer denial. . .if I don't really look, maybe the 125 weight on my driver's license is true after all!) and the weight was 1/2 pound lower than what my weight was when I weighed in at WW for my first time last Wednesday.  Instead of being rational and realizing that i didn't weight myself at home last Wednesday and see if the scale numbers between my home scale and WW scale were the same, I decided to be frustrated that I potentially only lost 1/2 pound on my first week.

Then when I realized there is really nothing I can do about it, I pondered for over an hour whether I should eat breakfast before weighing in.  Now, weighin isn't until 11am and I was STARVING, because with my new found healthy eating, I am actually hungry when I wake up in the morning.  But I didn't want anything to make the scale go up, so I was really contemplating not eating until after the meeting.

By 9:15am I just could not wait any longer and I succumbed to a delicious 6 point WW English Egg Muffin with Canadian Bacon.  Then I debated on drinking anything because I didn't want to possibly put on any water weight if I drank and didn't pee before weigh in.  Well, by 10am, I was parched and had to drink.

So at 10:50am I left my office with grave concern that I only lost  1/2 pound and my food and ice tea of the morning could add that weight back on, plus more.  I was soooooooooooooo excited when I lost 3.2 pounds!!

Instead of celebrating my loss with "cheating", I headed back to the office and had a 7 point lunch  - WW Chicken Parm with spaghetti.  It was okay. .nothing wonderful.  But I had some delicious raspberries & blackberries and snap peas to go along with it.

My afternoon snacks consisted of a 2 point chocolate pudding and 2 points worth of air-popped popcorn.

For dinner I decided I was going to make this Quinoa that I am hearing everyone rave about. . .now, I love couscous, but everyone was telling me how much better this was, so I was willing to give it a try.  I followed the directions on the bag  - 1 cup of quinoa (they told me to wash it, but really, do people do that?  that seems insane to me considering it goes into boiling water) poured into 1 1/4 cup of bowling water and cover for 12 minutes.  Well, I followed the directions EXACTLY and opened the lid of the pan at about 8 minutes and there was not one ounce of liquid left, so I took it off the burner for fear i would burn.  Never having Quinoa before, i had no clue what to expect. . .I kinda liked the nutty, albeit crunchy taste.  Little did I know there should be no crunch. . .

In addition to my crunchy quinoa, I had a WW hamburger for 5 points. . along with asparagus, grapes, and mixed berries. The size of this WW burger is worth the picture:

You have to visualize, the plate is a small salad plate and that is 1/2 cup of Quinoa, which is much larger than my WW burger.

But you know what was shocking, despite the extreme minuteness of my hamburger, it was quite a filling dinner and rather tasty. . .even with the crunchy quinoa.  I guess I was kind of at an advantage not knowing what it tasted like, so I had nothing to compare it to.

Somehow I was low on points again when dinner was over - 5 points. Going into dinner I had 12 points left and the quinoa was 1.5 points and the WW burger was 5 points.  So, I had 5 points left over. . .but I splurged and had 2 frozen WW Bars for a total of 5 points. . .


Ok, so I suppose I did celebrate my weight loss after all. . .being decadent with 2 WW desserts worth 5 points. . .and still ending my day .5 points short.  I can live with a celebration like that. . .

Weigh in #1. . .Lost 3.2 pounds

Well, its not quite the days of the 1980s where the Weight Watcher program was made up of Exchanges and you could only eat apples, oranges & grapefruits under the fruit exchange for the first 72 hours and you were sure to see an 8 pound weight loss the first week if you stayed on program. . .but it was a good weight loss and I'll take it!!!

I was sooooooooooooo nervous to step on the scale and when I saw the magical symbol signifying a loss ( - ) that the lady was writing down on my weigh-in card, I couldn't wait to share this loss with this group of virtual strangers (except my 2 good friends with me and a 2 other people that I just met last week who are good friends with another friend of mine)!!!  And I even got a sticker that says Bravo- who says stickers are just for kids????  I felt like a child - couldn't wait to show it to Rich & Allie. . .

And while some might think its hokey. . .I do love a WW meeting. ..love the clapping for those that lose weight.  Love the sharing of tips.  Love the camaraderie of fat/chunky/chubby/mildly overweight people coming together for the same reason - to finally win the battle of the food!!  But mostly, I like the weekly meetings because it keeps me accountable.

One more reason that I think this time it really might stick?  Historically when I had a good weigh in, that gave me the license to celebrate. . .with food.  This time, I went straight back to work and ate my WW frozen lunch. . . .and I was totally okay with that. . .

Day 6 - Not best planning leads to 1 point short. . .

Weight Watchers says YOU MUST eat the minimum amount of points each day - 29 is my minimum.  I only ate 28 yesterday. . .not because I wasn't hungry, not because I forgot to eat, but because of rushing around and some poor planning.

The day started off great with a banana and a WW Smart One English Egg McMuffin with Canadian Bacon for 6 points.  I ended up having a cutie late morning and then lunch - very yummy WW Smart One 3 Cheese Ziti for 7 points.  I had some apple slices before I left work and then I headed to the grocery to stock up on fruit, veggies, chicken and some road kill for my husband's diet - Paleo or Caveman Diet.  My plan was to come home from grocery and unpack everything and then pack some nuts or other protein snack for me to take to Allie's soccer practice.

Well, grocery took a lot longer than intended and by the time I got home I only had to time throw the necessary items in the freezer or fridge, grab water for Allie, grab something to drink for me and some apples and snap peas for me.  I wasn't overly hungry, so I was okay not having the protein and I figured for dinner I would just add some points into the Tilapia & Asparagus I was planning on having for dinner.

Though I would have 2 pieces of Tilapia (8 points) and 1/2 cup of couscus for 3.5 points, and asparagus with olive oil (3 points) or a total of 14.5 points.   I would have 1.5 points left over and have my WW Giant Latte Bar for 2 points for dessert - finishing the day with my 29 points and .5 going into my Weekly Point Allowance, which I had more than enough extra points left over for the week.

Welllllllllllllllllllllllllll . ..by the time we get home from soccer, Allie starts on her homework, I attempt to put groceries away while cooking dinner, realizing the fish I bought for Rich to have was still a bit frozen. . .we FINALLY sit down to dinner at 8pm.  Allie with a LEO (Lox, Eggs & Onion), Rich with steak that he had to grill at last minute because his fish was still frozen and me with my Tilapia and Asparagus for everyone.  I am enjoying my dinner, but realize something is missing.  .what is it?  Oh yeah, WHERE IS MY COUSCUS??? Oh yeah, still in a grocery bag.. one of the non-essential items to be put away in the fridge that I forgot about.  And that is how I ended my day 1 point short. . .even switched my Giant Cafe Latte Bar to the Fudge One for an additional point. LOL

And on top of it all, TODAY is my weigh-in.  I made the mistake of stepping on my scale at home and let's just say that my scale is wrong because if not, then it says I am only down .5 since last week.  Its amazing how much power I give that scale, but I do and I need it to show me something more than .5. . .if not, guess I can always blame it on not eating that 1 extra point yesterday.. . .

Day 5 - What a Difference Protein Makes for Me!!!

Not only was Day 5 pretty smooth sailing, but it was a pretty good one!!!  Thanks to a friend who suggested a lot of my problems on Sunday were due to low protein, I changed it up yesterday and made sure I had some protein every few hours...what a difference!!!!  I didn't find I was hungry and found I was not draggy and not continually searching for what food to eat. . .I was eating every 2 - 3 hours, but making good choices for me.

I have to say, I even fought off homemade brownies that came into the office yesterday.. .and I had a 2 point chocolate pudding with me, so I had that and it satisfied my chocolate urge as I drooled over the brownies.  Well, kinda.

I had a wonderful late afternoon snack that was 1.5 points. .. .1 piece of Sara Lee Honey Wheat 45 calorie bread (1 point) and 3 slices of Oscar Meyer Honey Roasted Turkey for .5 points. . .add some apple slices and a cutie and I was a happy camper.  By the time dinner was going to roll around, I had 14 points left and knew I would have 2 pieces of Costco Tilapia (8 points) and Mashed Potatoes (3 points) along with some veggies and I would have 3 points left over for the WW Fudge Bar.

Well, plans don't always work out as you.  .well... plan.  We had to go to the Mall to get Allie a new pair of sneakers and of course, as any 9 year who has PE the next day requires, we had to go immediately last night.  Oy - what to have in the food court. I could have had Subway - a safe choice, but really boring for me. 

And if it wasn't for having to go to the mall last night, probably would never have discovered how AWESOME Baja Fresh is for WW!!! OMG- lots and lots of really decent point choices!!! Each taco (or most) are only 5 points.. .While the regular burritos are quite a bit,I had a Bare Burrito in a bowl for 15 points - the chicken one.  It was MOST DELICIOUS!!!!   Check out the picture - black beans, chicken, lettuce, peppers, rice, cheese and pico de gallo!!

So, yes, I had 14 points left (but still 39 for my weekly allowance) for my day. . .So I had the 15 points (I ate every.single.yummy.bite) and then before I went to bed, I capped by evening off with a delicious (soooooooooooooo good, like frozen coffee) WW Giant Latte bar for 2 points.

So, I ended the day with eating very healthy, very satisfying and with eating 32 points - 29 for my day 3 points going into my Weekly Allowance, bringing me to a total of 36 weekly allowance points left.

My daily challenge seems to still be not drinking enough water. ..I am drinking lots of ice tea though...and much less soda.   I think I will try to do the sugar free flavorings in my water and mix that up with my insane consumption of ice tea a bit -hopefully that will help.  .

Day 4 - A bit of a hard one. . .

Not really sure why, but from about 1pm on, today was a bit of a tougher day.

Maybe the downfall started with not really having enough time to eat a decent breakfast in the morning.

Maybe no reason other than, just was what it was. . .

I got a later start than I had intended this morning.  My 9 year old had a friend spend the night and we all went to bed super late - after 1am - and we all had to be up and ready out the door for religious school.  Being that I teach 2nd grade, I truly like to get to Temple by 9.  Allie & I have a routine; I get her a donut at our Temple Cafe and pick up a bagel & cream cheese for me.  We are at my classroom by 9:15 where she helps me get ready for the kids before she needs to be in her class at 9:30.

I consciously knew I wasn't going to get a bagel - with all those points that is would cost me.  I had intended on eating my Good Friends Cereal at home for a total of 5 points - 4 for the cereal and 1 for the 1/2 cup of milk.  I also knew i wanted to pack some snack snacks for me that would be healthy choices.  Between getting up late (pushing snooze on my alarm quite a few times) and chasing the girls to get ready and making sure all my materials for class were packed, as well as my snacks, I realized I had no time to eat breakfast at home.  I poured my 1 cup of Cereal into a bag and thought I would eat it while walking to class. 

Not everything always works out as intended.  I got caught talking to a parent and then I offered to walk another parent's child to my classroom and I got busy chatting and next thing I new it was 9:30 and time to begin class.

We have snack around 10:30, so I did eat my cereal then (out of its bag) and had a banana as well.  While I was ravenous by the time 10:30 rolled around, after I ate I wasn't hungry and was satisfied.  And ultimately proud that I made good choices and didn't succumb to the muffins that the snack person in my class brought in and the donuts that a past student came to offer me.

After religious school I made a Boca Burger at home and had it on a wheat english muffin - and with some fresh fruit and veggies my lunch was 6 points.  I enjoyed it, but ultimately didn't find it very satisfying.  .like I was still kinda hungry, not starving, but definitely not content. And at this point started having a headache too.

I was hungry like an hour later.  I had a banana.

I was hungry like an hour later.  I didn't want fruit.  I didn't want veggie.  Its not that i wanted junk, but I wanted SOMETHING. . .just no clue what.  I opted for Air Popped Popcorn and while I wasn't 100% happy, that seemed to hit the spot.

We went to dinner at an Italian Restaurant Tonight and it was easy for me to avoid the bread in the beginning.  It was evening easy for me to use moderate amount of dressing.  It was even relatively easy for me to not eat any of the free desserts that our table was given (crappy service - a whole other story).  But you know what was not easy?  Not eating my whole meal of Rigatoni Bolognese!!!!  The whole meal would have been 30 points and after my salad, I had 16 points left.  Maybe had I actually done what I did the other day, immediately take half out and put it in a take out container to take home, it would have been easier.  But nope,  I divided it into half on my plate and glared and stared at that uneaten half for quite a while. 

I didn't eat it - not that it would have killed me if I had, but I would have been way over my daily points and sucked up quite a bit of my weekly 49 points and I didn't want to do that.  And I was saving my last 2 points for a dessert bar at home (well, 1 point on daily plan and 1 point going to the weekly 49 points).

So, did I make it through the day?  Yes. . .but I was headachey and snacky most of the day and sad that I was so focused on not eating my whole meal, despite how delicious it is.  And then I realized, in addition to losing weight, I want to be one of THOSE people that immediately package up 1/2 their meal and don't think twice about it. 

For now, I will be satisfied knowing I made it through the day and stayed on plan. . .and truthfully, I am a little excited about ending my night by  having my 2 point WW ice cream bar while catching up on last week's tv shows. . .

Day 3 - Fat Mommy versus a Dessert Table

Mmmmm.  .Mmmmm. . .Mmmmm. . .chocolate cupcakes, chocolate cake pops, chocolate covered marshmallows and fruit.  .

But before we get to that, I did discover a nice snack that was 1.5 points. . .literally.  A large puffed up rice cake of sorts and 3 slices of honey roasted turkey. . .I felt like doing a little happy dance - it was tasty, filling and low points. . .


Went to a Talent Show fundraiser at my Temple tonight and I knew there was going to be a dessert bar.  In the past, the desserts have been baked by temple members and while lots of them tasted delicious, there were also many that were easy to pass up.  I wasn't overly concerned and I knew, that I would have a tasty 3 point Chocolate Fudgsicle that was waiting for me when I got home.  But regardless, I did decide to be smart and pack my own arsenal of food I could eat - apple slices, pomegranate seeds & a cutie.

I was not expecting what I saw - a catered dessert table made up of some very very yummy chocolate food and a mediocre looking fruit salad.  YUMMMMMM, my taste buds were screaming!!!  NOOOOOOOO my jiggly belly was saying! 


Could I have had some of  the decadent desserts?  Yes, of course. . .but truthfully, the matter of figuring out the points was too challenging  and so I decided to stick with the fruit.  Was I unhappy and did I feel deprived?  No, not really. . .once I got past the immediate passion I felt for the desserts on display, I was really okay with it.  And I did look up on my phone the points of what some of those desserts might have been and really? They were too many points for me. . .so I was okay saying no. Kind of.

And why was the fruit salad so mediocre looking?  Is that because the vast majority of people are healthy and they know they don't have to fancy it up any because the fruit will always go? Just one of those things that make you say hmmmmmmmmmmmm.. . .

I did stay within my points today (although I did have to use 3 of my weekly extra 49 points) and even drank the required amount of liquid. ..all in all, a good day despite my all over tingling sensation when I was so close to so much yummy chocolate!

Day 2 - Sushi, Fro Yo & Movie Popcorn. . .happy dance

To begin with, guess what happened this morning when i woke up?  I WOKE UP HUNGRY.  Ok - that is the first sign I must be eating healthy and eating less because typically I never wake up hungry.  So I have decided that is the tell-tale sign I ate healthy yesterday.

Allie & I decided to have cereal this morning and a grapefruit. . .she opted for a bowl of Lucky Charms (love love that cereal) and i had a cup (notice, NOT A BOWL) of Kashi Good Friends cereal with 1/2 cup of milk and my grapefruit - a wonderful 5 point breakfast!!

I knew I wanted to eat a lighter lunch because I was looking forward to my date with my hubby and some yummy food and movie popcorn (according to the websites, 1 cup of movie popcorn is 1 point - more points then my airpopped or smart pop, but for me, very very worth it to save my points!).

I had a late morning banana for a snack and then we decided we wanted Fro Yo for lunch. . .and this was when it hit me.  I think this time I might be really ready to succeed on WW. . .you know how I know?  I went to my favorite Frozen Yogurt place - Yogurt Builderz and had the most delicious 8 point fro yo (marshmallow and devil's food) that is 1 point per serving (I splurged and had 2 servings as it as my lunch as well).  I was so excited that I could have all the fruit toppings on my fro yo that I wanted, because, wait for it, FRUIT IS FREE OR NO POINTS, that I truly didn't even have to do a lot of mental gymnastics over not putting on the yummy junk food toppings that I normally go for.

Historically, when I am on a diet, I spend so much energy going back and forth in my head as to whether or not to eat something that I typically end up not eating it and splurging on it later.  But this time, I truly didn't even care - I was just so excited to have a really filling and low point lunch of fro yo!

So, by this time I had eaten 7 points and had 22 left to go.  Dinner was a delicious feast of chicken terriyaki (my hubby gave me a great idea to immediately package 1/2 of it to take home because the whole portion was 14 points), sushi, salad & miso soup for  a total of 14 points. 

I had 8 points left for the day and ate every glorious one of them in 8 cups of movie popcorn. . .much less than the amount I would normally consume.  How do I know I ate 8 cups??? Don't laugh - I actually brought a measuring cup and my own paper bag so I could scoop out exactly what I wanted!  I also put some green apple slices in a bag to take in case I wanted something sweet!

All in all I made it through day 2 in good shape.  Have to say, my weakness so far is the liquids. . .I should be consuming way more and I haven't been.  I know that is where I need to step it up because that at least is so helpful in the first few weeks of losing water weight. . .

And by the way.  .my hubby just came to the kitchen to take a handful of chocolate kisses. ..I was a bit envious till I actually paid attention to myself and realized I wasn't hungry. . .WHAT A NOVEL CONCEPT. 

Day #1. . .My Cuppeth Runneth Over With Excitement over Free Fruits & Veggies

Let me begin by saying that Weight Watchers, is certainly not your Mother's Weight Watchers anymore. Fruits and veggies are free!!  Yep..  .that is right, they are Free!!!  I mean, ironically they are the most expensive thing that was in my grocery cart tonight, but in terms of WW they are free, free, free and the fact that I knew I could eat all day long if I needed to was my ticket to survival today.

Did I eat an abundance of fruits and veggies? No - I ate a very extremely healthy amount!!  I had an orange, apples slices, a kiwi, some pomegranate seeds, carrots & snap peas, but the fact that I knew I could have more if I wanted to was such a fabulous crutch.  I knew ultimately that I would not starve and that was all it took to make this doable to me.  Today anyways. . .

I would say that the only time I was obsessed with hunger was during and THE MINUTE AFTER dinner. . .well, truthfully, was I hungry after dinner?  No, not if I was actually consciously aware - I was actually comfortably satisfied.  But the 6 ounce portion of chili seemed sooooooooooooooo small to me that the entire time I ate it, and immediately after finishing, I kept telling Allie & Rich how I was going to be starving after dinner because I have never eaten such a small portion of chili.  Next time I will pay more attention and not whine and I will enjoy my meal.  . .apparently if I knew portion control I wouldn't be needing WW..  .but really, truly, never would have thought that 6 ounces would be satisfying.  Scary to think that just 2 nights earlier I had at least 2x that amount, maybe more and therefore consumed almost an entire days worth of points at one sitting in what i thought was a healthy meal of homemade chili..  .

Did I stay in my points for today?  Mostly yes. . ..I am allowed 29 points daily and then 49 points for the week on top of that.  .some people divide that into an extra 7 per day.  Some save it for one big blow out meal or an occasion.  Some (maybe the skinny minnies/) don't even use it. . .I finished the day with 31 points - 29 of my daily and 2 went into my 49 points for the week..  .I had 6 cups of popcorn instead of 3 cups.  But truthfully, I am not worried - no one every got fat over too much air popped popcorn.

Before Picture

Well, here it is, in all its fabulous fat glory. . .my BEFORE picture.  ..and god love my child, Allie said that the worse thing about the picture was the flip flops I made - she thinks they look like slippers.  She said I should be much more embarrased about those being in the picture than the size of my belly. . .here is hoping we see less of me soon!!

And It Begins. . .Again. . .

If I had a dollar for every weight loss program I have stopped and started, I would be pretty wealthy.

If I had a dollar for every time I asked myself, "When are you going to start eating healthy and get rid of this weight?" - I would be able to afford a personal trainer and cook on a regular basis.

What is the big impetus this time that is motivating me ? Come on, for those of you who battle with weight, you know there is always a reason and/or event that springs you into action. . .and the key is to hope that while that event/reason may come and go, the motivation to get healthy says with you. . .before I get into that, let's look at my past motivations.

I remember starting diets as early as high school - I was on Weight Watchers (all the way back when they had "exchanges", not points and the only fruit you could eat for like the first week was apples, oranges & grapefruits - anyone remember that?) and I believe my mother even signed me up for Diet Center too. . .I am sure this is an exaggeration, but I remember that diet required me to weigh-in every day (I used to take my earrings off for fear they would add an ounce!) and I don't remember being allowed anything to eat other than like Wasa Crackers and a piece of fruit here and there. I don't remember having any motivation for them - I think I was just put on them. Now, I was not thin in high school, but I was definitely not obese. I have a warped memory of how much I had to lose, but it certainly wasn't a large amount.

Fast forward years and lots of pounds later to my junior year in college. I had wanted to go to Spain for the following summer or fall as an exchange student. I vividly remember my parents bribe - if you lose weight, you can go to Spain. So, they signed me up for my first of three times with Nutrisystem. I was ultimately pretty successful and lost quite a bit of weight. I actually just dug up some pictures from college and there were quite a few of me taken during that time and I was even bordering on a weight that someone could call thin. . .or certainly normal!! I'm not sure if I ever reached my goal weight or whatever happened to Spain and why I didn't go, but I can tell you that over the next year or two I had gained all my weight back that I lost.

While in law school, I joined Weight Watchers a few times and even took a stab again at Nutrisystem. ..other than successfully giving my money and time to these programs, I wasn't too successful at them. I lost a little bit here and there, but nothing substantial and whatever I lost always came back.

While I played around with trying to go on a diet before my wedding, I didn't. . .but that is okay, I still felt like a beautiful princess and loved every minute of being in my wedding dress.

Now after my wedding, my mother suggested I go on Phen Fen (back in 1995 or 1996) and boy - that was like gold to me!! Those drugs were the best invention on the planet. Without much effort at all, the weight melted off of me and I thought I had finally licked my food problem. Well, I did, until they took my drugs off the market.. .how could they??? In truth, those drugs did exactly what they were supposed to do - curb my appetite (the upper) and mentally made not care about food and do the mental gymnastics that I always do (should I eat that? should I not? should I make a better choice?) - but they didn't teach me to address the problem when I was off the drug.

So, the drug was taken away from me cold turkey and I ate my way through the next few years. I did try some other weight loss drugs, but nothing ever had the success rate that Phen Fen had for me.

Jump forward a few years later while I am trying to get pregnant. After a few years of trying, we went to a fertility specialist and while I didn't want any of us to be "the broken one" - I think I had hoped it was my husband because that was an easier fix. Well, it was me who was broken, not him. In addition to producing very very very few eggs and follicles during ovulation (some months I didn't even ovulate), it was discovered after a number of tests and a round of Super Clomid that I had Type 2 Diabetes. The plan was to wait until the Diabetes was under control before we continued with fertility treatment because having a baby with Diabetes can put you into a high risk category.

Well, guess what? I was already pregnant! We found out about a week later. .. and immediately I was put on insulin and transferred to a high risk ob and I had to test my blood 6 times a day. And guess what? I was the healthiest pregnant person around - I lost quite a bit of weight (the insulin helped tremendously with regulating my blood sugar and cravings, etc) and once again, while I was upset I had diabetes, I was happy to have found a possible reason for my weight challenges.

Thankfully my pregnancy was easy and wonderful and my daughter was born healthy with no blood sugar issues. Three months after my pregnancy, I was still pumping (my daughter never latched on, so I pumped for the first 3 - 4 months) and on insulin and losing more weight and happy as could be. Then. . .they took my insulin away. Apparently one cannot be on insulin long term when they no longer have diabetes.

Yep - go figure -when I went back to my endocrinologist, my blood sugar was no longer in the diabetic range (and hasn't been again in the last 9 years, despite numerous tests and eating like crap). So, once the scare of diabetes and my insulin was taken away, I headed again down the path of eating, eating and more eating.

So, over the last few years I have joined and dropped out of Weight Watchers a few times anda few years ago I even joined Nutrisystem for the 3rd time. I did lose almost 30 pounds - but once the Jewish Holiday Passover hit (one of my fave holidays!), I fell off the diet and was never able to get motivated to get back on. . ..

So, you ask, why am I motivated now? Yes, there is the obvious reason of wanting to be healthy and living a long time for my daughter and husband. . .but come on, that reason is always there in one form or another for most of us and sadly, often that just isn't enough.

Here is my motivation - simple, yet pretty powerful.

My daughter is not embarrassed by having a Mommy who is fat (forget being politically correct and saying overweight - let's just call it what it is. . .). . .but she is very aware of it.  Aware that her mommy wears the bathing suit with the skirt. ..aware that her mommy never tucks shirts in.. .aware that her mommy doesn't wear tank tops in the summer despite being super hot. . aware that her mommy's tushy hangs over the kids' seats in the classrooms... aware that her mommy is one of the only wants that loves and eats birthday cake at parties as much as the kids, but never doesn't eat it like the skinny moms. . .I could go on and on. . .

One day over the summer, it was pretty hot.  Allie had on an adorable tank top and with a cute pair of jean shorts. I was in a short-sleeved t-shirt and capris. Allie asked me why I wasn't in a tank top because it was so hot out. I fumphered some answer and she said I would be so much cooler if I wore a tank top and she wanted to go pick one out for me in my closet. I told her I didn't have any tank tops -she proceeded to dig a couple of out my drawers (I'm not sure why they are even there, because I can guarantee you with arms like mine, I don't wear them!) and told me to try it on. I tried to protest as much as I could (too old, too small, too big, etc) - finally I put it on. Allie looked at me with a really funny look and said to take it off, it looked horrible.

OMG - I am wondering and thinking about all the things going through her head about how she sees me in this tank top. Then I see her mouth opening to say more. . .god, I didn't want to hear it. What more than telling me it looked horrible did she have to say.

"Mommy", Allie says, "you should throw that away, there is a big stain on the front and that is a really yucky orange color and it just looks horrible. But here, try this purple one on, I bet that will be pretty on you. . ."

So, bottom line. I want to lose weight and hopefully look okay in a tank top BEFORE Allie knows I don't look okay in a tank top and a person with my arms should never consider wearing a tank top!

I believe the last time I dabbled with Weight Watchers, it was approximately 3 years ago. 

Hopefully this time is different and it lasts for more than a minute. . .care to join me on my journey?